Against All Discouragement
by RunFarAwayWithMe
Summary: Bechloe AU: Beca and Chloe are unusually paired as best friends in high school, but one night brings them a lot closer than either of them expected. They find out the true value of friendship in a relationship, and fight to get out of high school together.
1. Chapter 1

**A.N: Hello everyone, this is a new story as a peace offering for not updating my others recently. I'll be updating this every Monday and Thursday.**

Her mother's hand crashed into Beca's face. "Take your stuff! And when you sleep over at your friend's house tonight, don't bother coming back!" Without another word, Beca picked up her bag of clothes and walked out the front door, but not before raising her middle finger to the woman whom genetics forced her to be called "mom". The tears didn't start spilling down her cheeks until the door slammed, but even that didn't stop her walking away with vehement determination. It was about an hour's walk to Chloe's house but it was worth it.

The two of them went to the same high school and had been best friends ever since Chloe had imposed herself on Beca's life, and neither of them regretted it. She pulled her phone out from her pocket and dialled, and after what seemed like forever Chloe finally answered. "There's a slight problem with me staying over yours tonight," Beca began. In response to her friend asking why she replied, "Because my mom doesn't exactly want me to come home afterwards, and I think she means it."

Chloe listened to Beca explain how her mom was fed up of everything she did and was generally sick of the sight of her. Ever since the divorce, she had found herself despising her own daughter who was unfortunately the spitting image of the very man she was trying so hard to forget. Hastily, Chloe hanged up the phone and after briefly running downstairs to speak to her mom about it, she rang Beca back and gave her the news that she was allowed to stay at their place for as long as she liked.

The tears of sadness and anger had stopped and new ones of relief began falling down Beca's face. It would only take another ten minutes for her to walk to Chloe's house, but they were the longest ten minutes of her life. When she finally reached the top of her driveway, Chloe's front door swung open and she came sprinting out, nearly knocking Beca over with the force of her hug. Both were so happy to see each other, and so Beca willingly allowed Chloe to take her by the hand and lead her indoors.

Sarah - Chloe's mom, was just on her way to work her night-shift at the hospital, but on her way out she told Beca that she was to treat the house like it was her own home. It was nine at night and as Beca walked into Chloe's large, luxurious house she couldn't help but smile. She put her bag down, took off her shoes and wandered into the living room after being instructed to sit down and relax. Chloe headed into the kitchen to make two large cups of hot chocolate whilst Beca sat down on the soft carpet, feeling some sort of weight lift from her shoulders.

They talked for hours about everything that had happened, and by midnight the game of Truth or Dare was suggested as something to take their minds off the earlier events of the day. "How will we play it with just the two of us?" Beca asked. Chloe pulled out her iPhone and explained, "There's this app on my phone that comes up with the questions, so we just take it in turns."

Within twenty minutes they had explored in detail different truths about one another (most of them they already knew, but there was always one juicy detail that was new and exciting to learn). Chloe had been dared to wave her bra out the window at the next person who walked by the house, and Beca had confessed that although Chloe knew her first kiss was with James Capone on the bleachers, she had kept secret that it was interrupted by a volleyball to the face. It went on in this way for a while, and then as Chloe clicked on 'dare' for her next go the lines came up: "Kiss the person opposite you." Both girls saw it at the same time. Neither of them would mind for it to happen, but didn't want to make it awkward. "What's the forfeit?" Beca asked. Chloe clicked on the forfeit button and the screen flashed up: "Ring up an ex and tell them you still love them."

"There is no way I can ring up any of my exes – there's a good reason why I'm not with any of them anymore," Chloe said. Beca smiled nervously and looked at the floor. "If you prefer the other one, I won't tell if you won't." Chloe nodded, and moved forward until she was sitting in front of Beca. She took her head in her hands, and their lips met. Without realising, Beca placed her hands on Chloe's waist as Chloe ran her fingers through her tousled brown hair. Neither of them knew how long it had been when they pulled away, but without a flicker of hesitation on her face Chloe stood up and said, "Do you want some more hot chocolate? Or maybe a coffee?"

As she walked out into the kitchen she raised two fingers to her lips and touched them at the exact same time that Beca did the exact same thing in the living room. "Erm, tea please." They both snapped back to their senses as the kettle started boiling noisily, but they couldn't deny the fact that they still felt something after that kiss. Chloe walked into the living room and sat back down opposite Beca. "What just happened?" she asked. Beca shook her head, for she too had no idea. "I don't know. But it can't happen again."

"Do you mean it just didn't feel right?" Chloe asked, trying not to give away that it felt right to her. Beca's silence said enough and Chloe guessed that she wasn't alone in thinking how right it felt. "It doesn't matter. It can't happen again. I'm not… I'm not… gay." Beca said defiantly. Chloe looked into Beca's eyes and said, "So stop me," as she leant in and made their lips meet. And of course, Beca didn't stop her.

At first they were kissing softly with Chloe's hands resting on Beca's shoulders and Beca's hands on Chloe's waist again. Eventually, Chloe began to lean forward, edging Beca to lie down. She did, and Chloe placed her legs on either side of Beca's as they kept kissing. After a while, they stopped and Chloe moved to lie down on the floor next to her. She entwined her fingers with Beca's, but the brunette pulled away. "What's wrong?" Chloe asked.  
"This can't happen," Beca replied defiantly.

"Look, I know. The way that I'm feeling about you right now scares the shit out of me… but we both know that if one of us was a guy then there wouldn't be a problem."  
"Trust me, I've thought a lot about what would happen if me and you got together and not once have I pictured myself turning you away."  
"Wait," Chloe began, "So you liked me before all of this?"  
"Yeah… kinda," Beca replied sheepishly.  
"I liked you too." They both smiled weakly at each other before Chloe continued, "Look, we're both in our pyjamas and I'm tired. Let's just go straight to bed and we can sort this all out tomorrow."

Both girls stood up and went upstairs. As they entered Chloe's bedroom, Beca stopped in her tracks and stared at the double bed. Chloe realised what she was looking at and said, "If it helps, just forget everything happened. Don't worry; I'm not going to pounce on you in the middle of the night." They climbed into bed and began to drift off to sleep. When Beca could hear Chloe breathing deeply next to her, her collarbone tingled exactly where Chloe had held her. "I don't like her that way… I don't like her that way…" she kept repeating over and over in her head. She went to sleep with thoughts so determined that she did not have any more feelings than normal for her friend, but as she fell into a deeper sleep she began to dream. No kissing, no hugging, just Chloe.

She was all that Beca dreamt about; holding hands with Chloe, and just being together. When she woke up and saw the clock showing 4am, Beca realised that she felt a strange sense of confidence after her dream - confidence that she didn't care about anyone else. At the same time she became aware of Chloe's hand resting on her hip, which had probably been placed there unintentionally in her sleep. Beca took in a deep breath, and then place her hand gently on top of Chloe's. This time, she fell asleep with contented warmth surrounding her heart.


	2. Chapter 2

**Trigger warning for mild self harm from this chapter onwards.**

* * *

Beca woke from a noise downstairs. Slowly, she got out of bed so as not to wake Chloe and crept downstairs following an aroma of toast and coffee protruding from the kitchen. As she walked into the kitchen Sarah turned her head and said, "Sorry sweetie, did I wake you? Sorry, don't mind me. I'm just taking this up to bed before I nod off. Have whatever you want from the cupboards." She gave Beca a smile before wandering upstairs in her nurse uniform with a coffee in one hand and a slice of toast in the other. Beca headed for the cupboards and pulled out a teabag and mug. The sound of the kettle boiling brought her back to the event of last night. Did it really happen? Or was it just some absurdly real dream? The look on Chloe's face as she walked into the kitchen told her that it really did happen, and it most definitely was not a dream.

It was Chloe who broke the awkward silence first. "Hi." Beca smiled and said a quiet hello back. "Do you want a tea?" she asked. Chloe nodded, and then walked towards Beca. She ran her fingers along the counter as she slowly walked over until their fingers touched. It was like a spark of electricity when their skin met, and Chloe leaned in to give Beca a kiss. She accepted it, and then darted out the way as she said, "Wait." In response to Chloe's confused look she continued, "I haven't brushed my teeth yet." With that she ran upstairs and into the bathroom.

Chloe smiled at how adorable her friend could be at times. Could she even call her that now? What was she supposed to say – her girlfriend? All she knew was that last night was definitely not friend behaviour. A couple of minutes later Beca returned with a smile on her face and clean teeth. She gave Chloe a kiss which brought smiles to both their faces. "Mmm… minty," Chloe joked. Just as she was about to pour water into Beca's cup, the smaller girl stopped her and said, "Don't worry about mine; I hate how everything tastes after you brush your teeth."

"Okay," Chloe replied, "Go into the living room then and put the TV on." She did, and as usual ended up scrolling through all the channels before landing on Friends. In the middle of her laughter, Chloe came in and set down her tea before sitting on the sofa. In view of everything that had happened to them it had been a long weekend, so their last day before going back to school was planned to be pure relaxation. One hour and two episodes of Friends later, Beca had her legs outstretched on Chloe's and they were still on opposite sides of the sofa.

The ending credits came up, and Chloe pulled on Beca's legs to bring her closer to her. They held each other's gaze for a few seconds, and then their lips met. With their arms around each other, everything just felt right, but all of a sudden Beca's phone started to ring. Reluctantly they pulled apart and Beca picked up her phone from the coffee table. "Hello?" It was Aubrey – the final member of their trio of friendship.

Beca and Chloe were always had a closer relationship as their classes coincided, but Aubrey also had a friend in a girl aptly named Fat Amy. "Is everything okay? I just rang your house but your mom put the phone down the second I said your name?" Beca sighed and very briefly explained everything that had happened the previous night. Well, not _everything_. "Oh okay. Well if you're up for it, do you and Chloe want to come out tonight? She wasn't picking up her phone, but I was thinking we could go out for a meal to celebrate our last night of freedom before going back to school." Beca quickly checked with Chloe if she was up for it and then replied, "Yeah sounds good Aubrey. Pick us up at 8?" As they finalised details, Chloe began teasingly kissing Beca's neck. When she hung up the younger girl glared at her and said, "She could have heard you!"

"You didn't exactly try to stop me," Chloe replied with a smirk. Beca kissed her back, and their tongues grazed against each other. She ran her fingers down Chloe's spine, causing her to squirm. "You okay?" she asked. Chloe laughed and said, "I'm fine, it tickles that's all." They resumed kissing, and as Chloe pulled lightly on Beca's short hair, they heard footsteps on the stairs. Light would not have challenged the speed at which they flew apart from each other and casually began watching TV again.

"Hi girls," Sarah said as she appeared in the living room, now awake and dressed in normal clothes. "Hey," Chloe and Beca chorused back. Chloe stood up and put on her most innocent and pleading voice before saying, "Could I have some money to go out for a meal tonight with Beca and Aubrey?" Sarah nodded and reached for her purse.

"Here," she said, "Take some extra and you can take Beca to that new café for lunch." Chloe gave her mom a gracious kiss on the cheek before turning to Beca and saying, "C'mon, let's go upstairs and get ready." They reached her bedroom when a thought occurred to Beca. She hesitated slightly before explaining, "I don't think I can come tonight actually. I don't have any money." Chloe merely smiled at her and said unwaveringly, "Don't worry; my mom gave me more than enough for both of us. Besides, if you ever need money we will always happily give you some. Like my mom said, treat here like it's your own home."

"If I did that then I wouldn't expect any money at all." Both girls were aware of Beca's previous family situation: ever since her parent's divorce, money had been in low supply. Nevertheless the next half hour was spent trying on countless amounts of clothes until they finally decided on a white dress for Chloe and black skinny jeans with a dark vest top and brown jacket for Beca. "Are you sure you need a jacket? I know it's October but it's boiling outside," Chloe asked, noticing the sheer difference in their outfits. Beca nodded and then grabbed her phone, hurriedly saying, "Let's go already, I'm starting to get hungry."

"One skinny caramel frappuncino with no cream, and a black coffee please," Chloe rattled off their usual order before sitting down at a table in the corner of the care. They ordered their food as well and once the waiter brought it to them, Beca picked up her napkin and started to fan herself with it. "Take your jacket off if you're that hot!" Chloe exclaimed, but Beca ignored her and just kept fanning herself. "Beca, you're sweating!"

"I'm fine," Beca replied, but it was obvious that she was far from fine. Not wanting to press the subject any further, the girls carried on with lunch and spent so long talking in the café that they only made it home an hour before they were due to be picked up for dinner. Fat Amy was joining them as well and the four girls all greeted each other before heading to the restaurant. They exhausted every topic of conversation except school, which no one wanted to bring up. It was the end of the October break and their penultimate year of school. Aubrey had the nicest car out of all of them and loved driving it around, and so she was usually the one to pick them up and drop them home again.

The night flew by because they were all having such a good time, and by the time they got home it was almost midnight. The two girls went straight to bed, and Sarah had already left for work so the house was in complete darkness. As they got under the bedcover, the soft mattress welcomed them at the same time as the feather pillows. This time when they fell asleep, it was Beca who placed her hand on Chloe's hip as they lay cocooned around each other.

The morning came too quickly, and the bleary eyed girls walked into school wearing their blazer, blouse, knee high socks, and skirt. PE was the first lesson and was dreaded by ninety percent of the year. The sun was still as hot as the previous day, if not hotter. As they got changed into their sports kit, Chloe noticed Beca pulling a sweater over her head. "Okay, do you have a death wish or something?" she stared at the smaller girl expecting an answer. Beca simply replied, "Apparently the more layers you wear the more calories you burn when you work out." Chloe left it at that but was still concerned as to why she wanted to burn calories so badly.

It was only during the cross country laps that the real trouble started and the truth came out. Beca was slightly ahead of Chloe, and when they were running through the forest area there was a straight stretch of path where Chloe expected to at least see Beca running somewhere in the distance. Halfway down the path she still couldn't see her, but then she heard someone retching just ahead of her. She caught up with where the sound was to see if whoever the person may be was okay, and was shocked to see Beca crouching behind a tree. She was pale white, sweating like crazy and doubled over as she gagged. When she saw Chloe she managed to whisper, "I'm so hot."

"Take your sweater off!" Chloe ordered, and began tugging at the top. Beca aggressively shoved her away, but as she did so she lost her balance and ended up grabbing on to Chloe's arm again. She fell to the ground and Chloe recognised the symptoms as heatstroke. Ignoring Beca's swinging arms hitting her sides and scratching her, Chloe pulled the sweater over her head. "Ouch!" she cried out as Beca hit her harshly in the eye, trying to force her to back off. "Stop it! You're sick and you're boiling up." She heard some more of her classmates running in the distance and called out, "Help!" As she discarded the sweater to the floor, she realised why Beca was so defiant against taking it off in the first place. The brunette went limp and stopped fighting back, accepting defeat and knowing that the truth was now on full display. Chloe had seen the red ladder of cuts going up both her forearms, old and new ones.


	3. Chapter 3

By now three other girls were surrounding them and the teacher was on her way. Before anyone had managed to get there in the first place, Chloe had turned Beca's arms over as best she could to hide the marks. Beca wasn't saying anything, instead she was just holding tight onto Chloe and not taking her eyes off her. "Can you guys give her some air and just go and find where the teacher is?" Chloe asked, anxious to get rid of the other girls. They slinked off and once more, the two girls were left alone. "We have to get you up," Chloe said. She pulled Beca to her feet, and took one of her arms before directing, "Here, hang your sweater over this arm while we walk and I'll hold your other arm for support but cover it at the same time." Beca nodded and did as she was told. They managed to walk half way down the path when the teacher appeared behind them.

"Are you okay, Rebeca?" she asked. It was a stupid question seeing as Beca was pale white and had just collapsed, not to mention the annoying use of her full name. Nonetheless, she nodded and managed to say, "Fine, just got a bit hot." The teacher pressed her hand against Beca's forehead before explaining, "I don't think it's anything serious – you're just terribly overheated. Go straight to the nurse." The two girls slowly walked down in the direction of the medical office but before they reached it, Chloe pulled Beca into the girl's bathroom and locked the door.

After checking that the cubicles were empty, Chloe sat Beca on the floor with her back resting up against the wall. She grabbed some tissue paper and wet it before laying it on her forehead, and did anything she could in desperate attempts to try and cool Beca down. "The nurse doesn't know that you're overheated. If I can just cool you down here, we can put your sweater back on for a couple of minutes while we go and get a slip for you to go home.

Beca nodded weakly, and after about ten minutes she agreed to pulling her sweater back on. They walked into the office, and Chloe did all the talking. "Can I get two slips to go home," she began putting on a weak voice, "We're both feeling sick, I think we had something really dodgy for dinner last night." Without a care in the world the nurse handed over the slips and waved them away. Sometimes, having a crap matron had its benefits. By the time Chloe ran down to PE to grab their clothes and they got on the bus home, it was lunch time. Just as they walked through the front door Chloe took Beca by the hand and led her to the sofa.

They sat down and it was almost like a trigger started the tears falling down Beca's face. Chloe leant forward, her heart breaking in two, and she held Beca for so long. Even when she pulled away she kept her hand resting on Beca's knee. "Why?" she asked, "Why did you do it?" Beca refused to look her in the eyes as she listed three things that came to mind: "Self-hatred. Love." On that word she looked up and held Chloe's gaze before continuing, "Because it's the only thing I can do, and it's one step away from suicide."

Now it was Chloe's turn to cry. "You said before, that you liked me before all of this happened. But just how much did you like me?"  
Beca's voice broke as she replied, "So much that it hurt. I already knew how to hurt myself physically, but the way I felt for you scared the hell out of me. Knowing that I couldn't be with you made me hurt from the inside, which confused me so much. I then sort of turned the emotional pain into a physical pain – something which I actually understood."  
"And what about the…the…" It was almost impossible for Chloe to say the word; it became lodged in her throat. Eventually she closed her eyes and said it quietly, slightly dreading the answer. "What did you mean about suicide? Have you tried…" She couldn't continue and burst into tears.

Beca held her and then explained, "Not yet. But I have a box… It's where I keep everything like bandages and stuff. And it's also where I keep a load of pills that I've slowly collected. There's enough there to kill me or do some serious damage, but I haven't had the guts to take them. And ever since I have been with you, I haven't wanted to. I haven't cut in two weeks, which is amazing for me." They spent the next few hours just curled up in each other's arms when Chloe said, "Are there any more?"  
"What do you mean?"  
"Are there any more cuts, other than the ones on your arms?"  
"…No."  
"You're a shit liar Beca, you know that?"

She hesitated for a moment, but then Beca decided that it was safe enough to confide in Chloe about the rest of her injuries. She rolled up the end of her shorts to reveal more cuts on her thighs, and then edged down the top of the shorts to reveal cuts on her hips too. Finally she moved her shirt out of the way and showed even more on her collarbone. It was all too much, and Chloe got up and ran to the bathroom, where she threw up.

The sight of her friend - the sight of her girlfriend hurting herself like that made her feel sick. What was even worse was that some of those scars were there because of _her_. Beca walked into the bathroom just as Chloe spat out some mouthwash into the sink, and the brunette handed her a glass of water to rinse her mouth out with before leading her up to the bedroom. Despite the fact that it was only late afternoon, they both lay on top of the bed and Chloe put a protective arm around Beca. "Promise me something?"  
"Anything."  
"Never hurt yourself again."

Beca stayed silent, because she knew that was one promise that was nearly impossible to keep. Noticing the silence Chloe continued, "At least promise me that if you ever feel like hurting yourself again, come to me first?"  
"I promise," Beca replied.  
"Do you pinkie promise?" It was something silly, but it meant a lot to the two of them. Beca wrapped her baby finger around Chloe's and repeated, "I promise."  
"Good. Because you know that if you break that, you'll have to buy me a million chocolate bars?"  
Beca nodded and smiled. "I know."


	4. Chapter 4

They woke in each other's arms. That morning everything just seemed brighter, happier, and they felt particularly closer than before. Beca had her arms wrapped around Chloe from behind; they both knew that the other was awake but they just lay there content. After a while, Chloe rolled over to face Beca. "Hi," she said. Beca smiled back at her, but before she could respond Chloe leant in and kissed her. The smaller girl sprung out of bed, but Chloe caught her hand just in time.

"Whoa… did I do something wrong?" Beca shook her head, and then headed into the bathroom. From there she called out, "I have to brush my teeth." Chloe laughed and replied, "You really don't have to do that just for one kiss, you smell fine."  
"I know, but I feel less self-conscious if I do. At least let me just use mouthwash?"  
Chloe let out an exaggerated sigh and called out, "Fine."

A brief moment later, Beca came back into the room and crawled beneath the bedcover again. She gave Chloe a kiss and just as she was about to pull away again the redhead pulled her closer, and soon she was on top of her, kissing along her neck and collarbone. She couldn't help but smile against Beca's skin as she placed tender kisses whilst being careful not to leave a mark, when all of a sudden they heard footsteps from outside the door. A voice rang through the air – "Girls, you need to get up!"

They flew apart from each other and Beca fell out of the bed just as Sarah walked in. "Are you okay?"  
"Yep. Fine thanks. You startled me…" Beca said, blushing profusely. Sarah apologised before offering to give the girls a lift to school, on the proviso that they could get dressed in five minutes. They hurriedly got dressed, occasionally sneaking a kiss, and then ran downstairs to grab a slice of toast each that was left out on the counter for them before running out to the car.

It was the third lesson of the day and Beca was sitting in her English class, listening to the teacher drone on and on. "In the book 'Captain Corelli's Mandolin', one soldier expresses homosexual love for another man. In your opinion, what does this do to the quality of the book? Does it make it more modern – ahead of its time maybe? Or something else. What do you all think?" That particular question caught Beca's attention. One girl on the opposite side of the room put her hand up and said, "Personally I think that it degrades the book. It would be a perfectly good enough plot if it just showed the two men as good friends, but by including the sin of him being gay it ruins it."

Beca couldn't help but sit there with her mouth wide open. Most of her classmates were nodding in agreement with this statement. "So do I take it that the whole class take this view?" the teacher asked, and apart from one other girl sitting at the back of the class, Beca was the only person who didn't nod her head. "Bullshit," she said bluntly.  
"I take it you disagree, Miss Mitchell?"  
"Oh I disagree. I think it's sick to say that it degrades the book. If it was a man and woman in love, you would have no problem with it. In fact – you may even enjoy it as a good romantic subplot. But how can you point out their genders as a disgrace? It's exactly the same as racial discrimination and it sounds so old fashioned. If humanity isn't separated by different races, why the hell should love be separated by different genders?"

The whole class was silent, when all of a sudden the girl who spoke first called out, "Oh my god… Beca's a dyke!" Everyone burst into fits of laughter despite the teacher's attempts to quieten them down. "No, I…I… That's not what I…" She tried to protest, but it felt like everyone's eyes were staring right through her and could see the truth shining out from her. Eventually she gave up and stopped fighting back, and the teacher shouted, "Alright! Quieten down!"

For the rest of the lesson Beca sat with her head in her hands, wondering what the hell she was going to do. By the end of lunch, everyone had heard about it. As usual, Aubrey and Fat Amy spent lunch with Beca and Chloe and thankfully didn't bring it up. The bell rang at the end of lunch and Aubrey said quite simply, "You're still Beca." What was shocking though, was when the two girls arrived home even Sarah had heard about it. The woman's straight brown hair fell onto her shoulders; she looked young for her age and her kind features complimented this. She saw the embarrassed look on Beca's face – even her own daughter was holding her breath, anxious to see how she would respond to the news.

"Don't look so uncomfortable Beca, like I said I want you to feel at home here. More importantly I want you to feel that you can be yourself. And don't ever feel embarrassed to bring girls back here – but the same rule applies to you as it does to Chloe; no boyfriends in the bedroom. Well… no girlfriends. Just girl-friends. I mean, girls who you're friends with but not girls-"  
"It's okay, I get it," Beca replied with a smile and slight sigh of relief. "Thank you, Sarah." Mrs Beale smiled back and nodded, and then gave both the girls a peck on the cheek before heading off to work.

They went into the dining room and put their books out on their table and began their homework. After a couple of minutes Chloe said, "Well that was good."  
"I like your mom, she's so kind."  
"I know."  
"She seemed so… accepting. Do you think you could come out to her at some point?" Beca asked cautiously. "Maybe… It still scared me though."  
"What about your dad? I know he's still in the army but what do you think he'll be like?"  
"I don't even want to go there."

For the next couple of hours they sat in silence finishing their work, and then both shut their books at the exact same time. From the hallway came the message ringtone from Beca's phone, and then it went off again, and again. They walked out to get it before heading upstairs, but as she stared at her phone Chloe noticed Beca's shocked expression as she read the screen. "What?" she peered over Beca's shoulder to see the screen and gasped at what she saw: '52 new messages'. She laughed and then said, "Wow, you're popular."

As they entered Chloe's bedroom, Beca's expression dropped drastically when she started to read the messages. 52 texts from the same number, all saying pretty much the same thing over and over again. "Dyke", "freak", "go kill yourself". Chloe grabbed the phone and read the messages for herself. "Beca…" she began, but the smaller girl just brushed her off and got ready for bed. It had been a long day and she just wanted to go to bed and ignore the shit, which she explained to Chloe. They stretched out on the mattress and Chloe wrapped her arm protectively around Beca, desperate to somehow keep her safe from the abusive words.

The clock read two in the morning when Chloe was woken abruptly by Beca shaking her back and forth. "Piss off…" she mombled out as she rolled over and tried to go back to sleep. Annoyingly, Beca persisted in shaking her. Chloe began to wake up, sensing that there must be something urgent for her friend to want to disturb her so badly. She turned to face Beca and turned the bedside lamp on. All she saw was blood. Blood on her own clothes, from where Beca had been touching her; blood dripped on the floor leading from the en suite bathroom; but most of all, blood all over a pale faced Beca. In an instant she was fully alert, awake, and scared for her girlfriend's life.

"I didn't mean to. I don't think I meant to…" Beca managed to say before collapsing onto the floor. Looking desperately around for a cloth or anything to put on the cut and stop the bleeding, Chloe found nothing. As a last resort she tore off her pyjama top and sat there in her shorts and bra, which she had forgotten to take off last night. She pressed the fabric onto Beca's arm and applied as much pressure as she could gather the strength for, and prayed for the blood to stop. There was a hospital at the top of her road and she didn't hesitate in picking Beca up and heading there with the tiny girl in her arms. Thankfully, she had joined enough sports teams and wrestled with her older brother – who was now in college - long enough to be able to carry Beca without too much difficulty.

Tears were streaming down her cheeks as she opened the front door, and was both shocked and grateful that her mom was pulling into the driveway. It must have been fate that she was working the early finishing shift that night. Through her tears, Chloe managed to say, "Help." Sarah took Beca from Chloe's arms and hastily put her on the backseat. They both clambered into the car and Sarah sped to the hospital. For the short journey, Chloe kept putting pressure on the cut. They were there in less than a minute and before Sarah had even turned off the engine, Chloe jumped out still wearing her bra and shorts and picked up Beca from the seat.

Blood was now smearing across her stomach and chest as she held Beca impossibly close and ran into through the doors to A&E. She was completely drained of energy but didn't stop for breath before screaming for help. Within seconds a doctor ran over with a gurney and she was whisked away, whilst a nurse held Chloe back from running after her. "Please help her!" she screamed hysterically, and her stomach tightened with grief. She clung onto the nurse as her legs began to give way and her vision was entirely blurred with tears. Other people in the waiting room found it hard to watch this blood-stained girl collapse to the floor in grief, sobbing out the words, "You have to save her!"

Sarah hurried in through the door and her heart broke at the sight before her. "You have to help my girlfriend! Please!" Chloe sobbed from the floor, the words flying out between gasps for air. It took a while for it to sink in to Sarah what her daughter had just said, but then it hit her. Her girlfriend. The doctors crashed Beca through the doors to save her, and Sarah came back down to reality and put that issue aside for the moment as she ran over to her daughter. Her gay daughter.


	5. Chapter 5

Four hours had passed by. Chloe was sitting there next to her mom in an old t-shirt she had been given from lost and found. All of her tears had been used up and now all that was left was shock. Beca had died – technically. She was dead for two minutes before the doctors managed to resuscitate her. Sarah began to speak, thinking that it would be good to actually use the time they were spending sitting there alone. Her voice cut through the air like a knife, making Chloe jump at first. "When you came in here," she began, "You called for help. You called for the doctors to come and help your friend. Well, more specifically you asked them to help your _girl_friend." Normally, this would have taken Chloe aback, but after the events of the night not much could shock her now. So she simply replied, "Yeah."

The next few minutes were spent in even more silence, until a doctor came in through the waiting room doors. Both of them sprung up out of their seats, eager to know what was going on. The doctor sighed and then said, "She's stable." Chloe and Sarah breathed a sigh of relief. "You can go and see her, but you have to be calm around her. Also, there is something else you should all know. We have organised for her to see a therapist at her school, twice a week from now on. She will also need to attend a weekly fifty minute session at an outpatient clinic and her biological mother will have to be informed of this. If Beca is to refuse this treatment and the self-injury gets worse, she could be sectioned." A pregnant silence filled the air. "Do you want me to tell her, or would she take it better coming from you?" Sarah decided that it would be best for the news to come from her and her daughter, and so they went into the room.

She was pale. That was the first thing Chloe noticed about her. Her back was slightly raised, and there was a bandage wrapped around her wrist. Beca opened her eyes ever so slightly, and a smile came to her face when she saw Chloe. No one could hold back the tears for long, Sarah included. She sat in the corner and looked on as Chloe stood by her girlfriend. "You can hug me you know," Beca said. Chloe just shook her head, wary of all the machines surrounding them. "I'd be afraid to break you," she managed to choke out. Instead she just made their hands touch. Beca responded and said, "That could never happen. I'm already broken." The next two hours were spent in Beca's room and before she went to sleep, Chloe had the task of explaining to her about the therapist.

The whole time she was explaining the situation, she held tightly onto Beca's hand. To be fair she took everything rather well, almost as though she expected it. She didn't seem to mind about seeing the counsellor in school, or the outpatient clinic, but when it was mentioned that her mom would have to find out about everything, it all changed. Beca instantly began refusing to see anyone, saying that she couldn't ever let her mom know. Chloe tried to calm her down, but nothing worked. Eventually she managed to explain, "It's not that simple! You can't just refuse the help. If you refuse, then they will force you to go."  
"What does that mean?" Beca asked. Sarah then spoke for the first time since entering the room. "It means they will have to arrest and section you."

The word "section" set Beca off. She began hysterically crying, and Chloe felt her heart breaking yet again seeing her girlfriend this way. "Please… Please…" Beca was crying over and over again. Ignoring the tears streaming down both their faces, Chloe leant towards Beca and their lips met. They stayed there and kissed for a moment longer, as Sarah sat in the corner. At first she had to bite down hard on her tongue – this was completely new territory to her. But eventually, she got used to seeing her daughter happy.


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: I'm not sure if sectioning is called something else outside the UK, but I've had a few questions about what it means. Basically if someone needs to be admitted to an inpatient mental health hospital/ward they can either go voluntarily or they are forced. When someone is forced to go it is referred to as being sectioned. **

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After a lot of sweet talking and persuasion from Sarah, the doctors released the necessity for Beca to attend the outpatient clinic. She still had to see a counsellor in school, but that she could deal with. Also, her mom did not have to find out about anything after the conclusion was made that it would do more harm than good. Chloe held onto her girlfriends arm as she supported her walking out of the hospital. Beca had her strength back but had no energy. However, she was determined to stop hurting herself, because she realised that in a way she was hurting Chloe. It was a game of catch 22 – her love for Chloe was one of the things that made her hurt herself, but her love for Chloe was one of the reasons for her to stop. She just had to focus on not letting the other main reasons for her pain getting in the way.

They reached their house, and Sarah opened the front door. The two girls walked inside and then upstairs to Chloe's room whilst Sarah began making tea. As they sat down on the bed, inevitably, tears began running down their cheeks. "I'm so sorry," said Beca. All Chloe could do in response was shake her head. Feeling the need to at least explain what had happened, Beca began, "I er… I have times when I want to die. Like everything that is on my mind will just be so much easier, and I won't hurt anymore. I can go to heaven and actually be useful by looking after the people I left behind because I don't have the courage to do it in real life. I have a box of pills; most of them are Mysoline – tablets for epilepsy because I had easy access to them at home. And I've saved them, just in case. And when I feel like I want to die, I cut so that I just hurt but don't kill myself and the feeling goes away. But last week went wrong. It's more dangerous cutting your legs than your arms, but I guess I just defied the odds. I'm so sorry."

Eventually Chloe found her voice again and said, "Stop saying sorry, you've done nothing wrong. All we have to focus on now is helping you get better. Come and look at this." She pulled Beca up off the bed and sat her down at the computer. On the screen were results of a Google search for 'distraction techniques'. "I'm going downstairs to help mom with tea," Chloe said, "While I'm there just… have a look." Beca nodded and smiled as she left the room, then turned back to the screen.

She clicked on the name of a site that she found the most appealing – The Butterfly Project. She read about it, and figured that the whole point of it was to draw a butterfly on her arm, name it after someone close to you who you care about, and then if you cut you kill the butterfly. It was worth a shot, she thought, so she picked up a pen and drew a blue butterfly on her arm. Obviously her butterfly was Chloe, and although the concept seemed silly at first, when she had completed the drawing she felt a sudden urge to protect the butterfly – to keep it alive.

Chloe came back through the door with two mugs of tea in her hands and Sarah following behind. "I've got this week off work," she said, "So if you need anything, anything at all then you come and get me okay?" Chloe nodded, as did Beca. "Okay… well, sweet dreams," she said and walked out of the door. Beca wasn't even her daughter, but she definitely felt like one. She felt the need to look after her in the way she looked after Chloe.

Meanwhile, Chloe wandered over to the closet and pulled out a parcel. She gave it to Beca and urged her to open it. Slowly her fingers prised open the paper, and she saw a book. It was entitled 'The Perks of Being a Wallflower'. A huge smile spread across Beca's face. She had read this book once before a long time ago, and it contained many of her favourite quotes. Although she had longed to buy it, she never had the money to. "How did you…" she began.

Chloe silenced her and said, "Your English teacher heard what happened, and told me that he was willing to help with anything if he could. I always remember that quote you once told me about, and so I asked him what book it was from. He pointed me to this." For a few minutes they sat there just enjoying the moment, and then Chloe got up and headed back to the closet. "Please don't tell me you got me anything else? This is more than enough already," Beca said with so much gratitude. "Oh hush," was all Chloe responded with.

When she returned she placed yet another present on the bed. "This is the last one, I promise." Suspiciously Beca opened it, and Chloe watched her fingers work around the bow she had tied onto it. Every inch of this girl was beautiful, even her hands. Just as she thought this, she saw Beca's sleeve slightly rise up as she stretched and caught sight of a cut at the exact same time as Beca did. She knew this meant trouble. Seeing her own scars was like a trigger and made her shake with fear, because she would become locked onto the thought of the scar and what she had done and how she could do it again. As if on cue, Beca's hands began lightly shaking.

Chloe reached out and pulled down the sleeve; put one hand to top of Beca's to stop them shaking and used the other hand to tilt her head up and draw her eye-line away from her arm and onto Chloe's eyes. She looked at her with desperation in a way to say, "Help me." Chloe needed not to cry, so she forced herself to carry on as normal. "Come on then, open it up." She helped her girlfriend pull away the paper, and as they removed it all it revealed a silver locket with an intricate pattern engraved on the front.

Beca clicked it open and saw on one side a small photo of herself and Chloe, and on the other was a small piece of paper with Chloe's delicate handwriting inscribing, "Enjoy it. Because it's happening." It was her favourite quote from the novel, and the smile on her face grew even bigger. "Thank you," she squealed and leant forwards excitedly, pulling Chloe into a hug.

"I love you."

It came as a bit of a shock, even to Chloe despite the fact that it was her lips that said it. "I love you too." And Beca really meant it. It was like everything that anyone had ever told her about love finally made sense. Previous boyfriends had been 'in love' with her, but she had never believed that you could love at this age because she still didn't really understand what love was. All the movies described love as the first person you think about in the morning and the last person at night. Tiny, stupid little things remind you of them even though they have little significance. At first, Beca deemed this as impossible. It was an exaggeration. But now it all made sense.

She loved Chloe, and Chloe loved her back. She picked up the book and placed it on the table by the side of the bed with the locket on top of it, and then turned back to Chloe. There was no time to even say one more word because before Beca could open her lips they were sealed shut by Chloe's pressing against them. At first the kiss was quite fierce, but then the redhead moved one leg over the other side of Beca's and it became slower; more passionate. Her tongue brushed against Beca's lips encouraging them to open, and of course they obeyed. Their tongues twisted and turned together, each exploring the others mouth.

It felt right. It felt one hundred percent perfect. As their tongues danced, Beca – who was now lying down with Chloe on top of her – ran her fingers down Chloe's back. She felt her body react to the touch; her back arched, moving her body closer to Beca's. Chloe pulled at the top that Beca was wearing, lifting it up slightly and revealing her flat stomach and the bottom of her brown bra. Beca brushed her hands against Chloe's as she then lifted the top over her head, leaving her just in her bra. They kept kissing and Chloe took off her own top with Beca helping her.

The whole moment was perfect, it felt so right, and only one thought was going through Chloe's mind throughout the whole thing. Beca: her perfect girlfriend. She ran her hands down Beca's sides and then placed them on her thighs. Her hands were warm and elicited so much comfort with a single touch. They rolled over so that Chloe was now on her back, and Beca was on top. As she ran her hands through Chloe's fiery red hair, Beca glanced at her own arm. The cuts from the previous week were still there. She had managed to fill both lower and upper arm with cuts as well as her stomach before she caught the vein.

Her hands began lightly shaking again and already her mind was filling with the thoughts of that night. But then, Chloe cupped her fingers beneath Beca's chin to draw her eye line away from her arm. As her blue eyes shone lovingly at the smaller girl she said, "Just focus on me." And she did. Beca turned her thoughts to Chloe and slowly moved her hand on top of Chloe's blue bra as they continued kissing. Her other hand worked its way around to the clasp and her fingers swiftly pushed it together until it unhooked. Not even thirty seconds had passed and they had both discarded their bras.

A while later they were both branded with love bites and lay side by side with smiles on their faces. "You okay?" Chloe asked.  
"Never been better," Beca replied. Their hands were linked together and she continues, "I wish I could put this moment in a jar."  
"What?" Chloe asked with a bemused smile.  
"I think that all these rare moments that you want to stay in forever should be put in jars because… I like jars, they just have something about them. You always read in books that faerie dust or wishes or magical ingredients are contained in beautiful glass jars, so I think that perfect moments should be too. It would be a jar full of smiles."

Chloe laughed, "But only the best smiles?"  
"Yeah. Only the smiles that are so…"  
"Unconventionally beautiful?" Chloe finished, and a smile lit up on Beca's face with recognition. "You read the book," she exclaimed, recognising the phrase from the book that Chloe had given her. The redhead merely smirked knowingly and planted a kiss on Beca's lips that smiled in such an unconventionally beautiful way.


	7. Chapter 7

Sorry it's been a while since I updated this one, I went away to Kenya then forgot about it... And then school happened and that always gets in the way. Anyway, I'm back now and here is the next chapter! Thanks for being patient x

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Chloe lay in bed, thinking about how grateful she was that the Christmas holidays had begun. The incident had happened the last Tuesday of term and they were excused for the remainder of the week, which then led them into Christmas break. Christmas had been and gone, and it was quite honestly the best one yet for both of them. It was now New Year's Day and Chloe turned over in bed, expecting to face her girlfriend who was probably still asleep judging by the silence, but was shocked to see an empty bed.

Instantly she started to panic. "Beca!" she called out. "Babe, where are you?" Still there was no answer. Becoming extremely worried, Chloe raced downstairs and frantically searched the house, calling out her girlfriend's name over and over again. Just when she started to imagine the worst, the front door opened. Chloe spun around in anticipation and saw Beca walk through the doorway. She breathed a sigh of relief as Beca said, "I thought you'd be at least dressed by now. Come on, hurry up."

Confused, Chloe was ushered up the stairs by Beca, still wondering what on earth was going on. "Where were you? Why do I have to get dressed?" So many questions, but Beca answered none of them.

Ten minutes later after Beca had practically dressed Chloe, they both headed to the front door to greet an awaiting taxi. "What…" Chloe began, but she was silenced with a kiss and the words, "Trust me." They got into the back of the taxi, and to Chloe's misfortune, the driver already knew where to go and the GPS wasn't giving any clues either. Beca soon began to tire of answering, or more specifically not answering when her girlfriend demanded to know where they were heading, so they sat for the rest of the journey in silence.

Twenty minutes later, Chloe had a sore throat, but finally she saw where they were. It was a field with a couple of blank buildings at the front of a car park. They both got out of the car and Beca still kept her mouth firmly shut. Luckily, Chloe was too busy examining the vast green land to bother asking more questions, and allowed Beca to drag her by the hand into one of the buildings. "Booking name?" The receptionist's voice snapped Chloe out of her studious investigations.

Beca gave her details and the busty receptionist led them through a door and instructed them to wait in the "suit room" for the accompanying instructors. "Please can you tell me what's going on now?" Chloe pleaded. Beca said nothing, other than that she would have to wait and see, and so Chloe decided it was time for a new persuasion tactic. She slowly walked across to Beca and held both of her hands. "That isn't going to work," Beca said rather unsurely. Chloe ignored her and gently pushed her against the wall.

She kissed her neck and collarbone, slowly working her way up to her lips. "Babe, I'm not going to tell you anything," Beca protested, anxiously looking at the door hoping no one came in. As she felt Chloe's teeth graze her skin she knew that her protests would soon fall apart if the redhead carried on, which of course, she did.

Their lips met and despite her earlier protests, Beca didn't pull away. She was so aware of Chloe's body pressing against her and became so weak willed. She felt Chloe's hands run down her sides, and then her fingertips toyed with the tops of her trousers. Instantly she moved her girlfriend's hands away and said, "Stop! Someone might see!" She wasn't about to admit that she was secretly liking the thrill of being caught.

"Give me a clue then!" Chloe demanded, still resting her fingers on Beca's trousers.  
"Fine…" Beca said eventually, bringing a huge smile to Chloe's triumphant face. "What we are about to do, is something that you've never done before." The smile quickly disappeared and Chloe edged her fingers beneath Beca's jeans while whispering, "You are such a bitch. Tell me something good."

A small whimper left Beca's lips, urging Chloe to dip her hand lower beneath her girlfriend's underwear. Suddenly aware of their surroundings, Beca grabbed Chloe's wrist and gave in. "Okay, okay… We're going skydiving." Chloe removed her hand, looked at Beca and whispered excitedly, "Really?"

Beca nodded, proud that she had impressed her girlfriend so much and smiled as Chloe whispered, "I love you." She gave the tiny girl a quick kiss before releasing her from the wall. After a short pause, Chloe decided to be honest. "I already knew what we were doing."  
"What?! How?" Beca moaned, "I wanted it to be a surprise!" Chloe laughed and put her hands up in defence. "Calm down! I only figured it out a few minutes ago when I saw that," she explained as she pointed at a photo of two people skydiving with a plaque underneath it saying who founded the site.

"So if you already knew what we were doing, why did you try so hard to get it out of me just then?"  
"Maybe I just wanted an excuse to be close to you." Beca couldn't help but smile, and moments later two instructors walked through the door. It took a while to get through the safety talk and getting strapped into the equipment, but they got there eventually. The harnesses were designed so that a professional skydiver was strapped to the back, and the way that the very young, and very cute instructors flirted with both girls made them laugh.

When they sat down on the plane, it hit Beca what she was actually doing. It was something that both she and Chloe had wanted to do since they were little, and now it was really happening. They were about to jump out of a plane thousands of feet high and free-fall for a long time; their only hope of surviving depending on how good their instructors were. The fear of it filled her whole body with adrenaline, and looking to her side and seeing Chloe's face told her that she wasn't alone in feeling that way. Silence screamed around them, but then just as Chloe was about to say something, the engine of the plane roared and they felt it begin moving. That was it now, there was no way out other than to jump.

No one even bothered trying to talk and compete with the engine, and so Beca and Chloe sat there hand in hand, clinging on tightly to each other. It was as if they were communicating simply through their hands. Beca squeezed Chloe's hand at first, looking for reassurance and Chloe gently stroked the back of Beca's hand with her thumb whilst still leaving the rest of their fingers entwined. There was a sudden jolt of the plane that shook them about, and Chloe stopped comforting Beca and gripped even tighter, almost cutting off circulation.

Several minutes passed, and then the thing that they both were dreading happened. The instructors strapped to them began moving, and therefore the girls moved with them. Chloe began squealing, but it was hard to tell whether it was due to excitement or fear, probably a bit of both. Beca started to repeatedly say, "Oh no…" along with screaming for every footstep close they got to the door. Eventually they managed to prise their hands away from the tight hold they had on each other, and Chloe went first.

The cameraman had just headed out and was gripping onto the side of the plane, camera ready to go. It was probably already filming Chloe's expressions; they were too hilarious to miss. At first Beca wondered why she was screaming so loudly, wasn't the part when you sit by the door the most beautiful bit? She watched Chloe's gorgeous red hair fly around her head like flames, and her hands kept shooting out to grab onto the sides of the plane, but the instructor kept grabbing them and putting them back in front of her.

When Chloe insisted on holding onto something, the instructor placed them onto part of Chloe's top, and mouthed something to her. Beca figured that if she was to hold onto anything, it would have to be her own shirt. She saw her knuckles go white, and then Chloe shot her one last look. Her mouth was open, but at the same time she was smiling so much. There was a look of fear on her face, but at the same time there was pure thrill. Her head turned away, and looked out of the plane again, causing her to scream yet again. Not even one second later, she was gone.

Beca edged forward, or moreover her instructor did, in turn forcing Beca to move. They reached the edge of the plane, and then it hit Beca why Chloe was screaming. Sure, the view was beautiful, but only then did you realise just how high up you really were. In the sky, she could see Chloe freefalling, and could just about still hear her screams. The worst or maybe the best bit was that just before you jumped, you weren't actually in the plane. Beca could feel her heart racing at what seemed to be a million beats per minute. Because she was strapped to the instructor, he had to sit on the very edge of the plane, because after all, he decided when they jumped. This meant that Beca's whole body was simply hanging out of the plane whilst she was perching on the instructors lap.

Her arms began to fly out to the sides and hold on tight, until she too was instructed to hold her shirt. She took in a deep breath, and they began to fly. The feeling was amazing, her screams sounded so unreal up in the sky. Before long she was closer to Chloe, and the cameraman was filming her face. She gave thumbs up to the camera as she saw Chloe do the exact same thing to her cameraman moments ago.

After about a minute of freefalling, the parachute opened with a jolt. The next five minutes was spent slowly gliding down to the ground, down to reality. As Beca took in the scenery, she realised that she was wrong. The most beautiful part of it all wasn't at the edge of the plane, it was now. Now, when she could see everything from a completely new perspective, and when she could see her beautiful girlfriend smiling.

Chloe hit the ground: she had been hoping for a more graceful landing but knew it probably wouldn't happen. Above her she could see Beca floating down, and moments later she too landed on the ground. They both got up after being unhooked from their instructors, and walked towards each other. "I love you," Chloe said.

"I know," Beca replied with a smirk. They headed back indoors to grab their stuff and then head off to a café, and Chloe said, "How the hell did you get money for this?" And much to her surprise, Beca revealed that she had a job editing amateur newspaper articles for mistakes in grammar etc. "You're so sneaky," Chloe said just as the instructors walked through the doors. "So we were thinking, we finish our shift now so do you want to grab some lunch, purely as friends of course?" Chloe smiled and looked at Beca with a look in her eye.

"Actually we have plans, but here's both of our numbers if you want to call us to rearrange?" She said whilst scribbling their numbers on a piece of paper. The men looked at each other as if to say, "Yeah! We pulled!" but their reactions were premature. Beca put her arm around Chloe's waist, and said, "Come on, we're going to miss our reservation." Chloe merely smiled then kissed Beca on the lips before walking away. Funnily enough, the instructors never did call them.


End file.
